Thursday, September 22, 2011

Ha. Today was awesome

It’s not like I wanted today to go down like it did. I wasn’t expecting much. You know, do the usual, go to work-do the usual lol (which btw I LOVE what I do) and come home and do the usual again. Rinse, Repeat for 5 times then weekend. I am not complaining - my usual is pretty good. I’d always like to improve it of course. However I am grateful for how far I have come and what I am able to surround myself in everyday.

If this is it, I’ve made it. I would be happy with this- with who I am, what I have accomplished and the people I have surrounded myself with. Except I have accomplished more than I had 5 years ago- and at that time things were pretty damn good to. I guess it goes to this song by Col;dplay. Its the speed of sound. If you see it you would understand… I get it though. I don’t have to understand all of it to know that if I don’t try it I will never know.

Lizard (liz, elizabeth, my BFF) well she moved to Indiana. In all that noise over the past few weeks, flying at the speed of sound you know??, I didnt know that was going to happen but neither did she. I will not explain why, but it was the right thing for her. I made our divorce (remember i’m gay, I am not married lol, its just a term) much harder than it needed to be.

So back to today..first it was Lizard. It was like its always been. She texted me and away my fingers went. It was perfect. We weren’t in person, she wasn’t with me, I wasn’t with her- physically, geographically. We were not at the gym together. Not eating Sushi. Not tanning. Not getting our nails painted. Not have pedis, mani’s, not talking about guys, not watching scary movies in bed together. Not hanging out. LOL Elizabeth and I have a history I think of about 5 years. There is nothing that can’t be fixed. It just the responsibility of the person who broke it to take responsibility. I knew it was me…but today I felt the responsibility I have to make this right.

Fast forward, its now after work, tonight at home. I will be as PG-13 as I can. So I confirmed (always thought this was the big reason) why Skype is such a hit. George and I (my EX) have just a huge history. Another day another blog. I keep putting it off lol. Anyways we got to enjoy some “alone time” with each other. Via Skype. Haha, if ya do it right, its like the other person is right there with you. We made good use of both of our high speed internet connections. Charlotte NC- to Beaverton OR, it worked tonight. Dont get me wrong. We connected emotionally as it is now, its was not about “getting back together”. Currently we are both single. He has had 2 BF’s since the split up, me a big fat 0. But I wanted no one around me for 2 years LOL. But yea the sex tonight was hot. Self sex? OK. I can speak for him when I speak for myslef too. So many things in our relationship we nailed it. I mean perfect. Way above normal. Incredible. Then we failed so miserably on other things. It was was during times when self inventory and assessment was needed that neither of us thought it important enough from the feelings of the other to stop and slow down.

80% of it was good. 75% of that was perfect, Oh man what we had i didnt see much of it in other couples. But its always that small little % that weighs more.

And that’s probably enough for tonight…this doesnt end. It’s my ongoing blog right? -

Then there are others. Those we know right now. I have one. The 20% I screwed up on before. —The part I always said to worry about latter. Except this time it comes first. Maybe I am not done yet. Just goes back to the beginning of the blog. Everything in my life is more than I could ever ask for. Everything- my thoughts, my life, my friends, tons of things like home ownership, money, talents, experiences, it doesn’t end. So if it stop today I won. But it doesn’t stop today! So why would I?

I can not wait until someone loves me again.