Thursday, February 23, 2012

I didn't want a serious relationship lol- not even ready for that.  I had one for 18 years of my life with the same person.  It was this connection I thought you and I  had- all the seriousness would be figured out later, for either way- friends or more.  But damn I failed at how to set myself apart from others around you and you didn't really help. Those around you were the future isn't written yet, who knows right now.  In fact I remember of being reminded of something I already knew, you are an amazing person, so very very beautiful inside and out, and having others in your life who all wanted to get closer, to know the whole of who you are.  I competed with that and instead of being me and letting it be, I was constantly trying to out do others to keep the focus on me. LOL but i didn't even know who exactly these people were, they just have to be out there right?  Ready to win your heart on just two sentences exchanged in a bar lol. That's how I felt. You will never ever be short of people ready to love you on the highest level. And  If I was going to lose ur friendship and closeness because you had more chemistry with someone else then I don't think I really had much to begin with.  It sums up simple- I hit the panic switch.  My love is the most genuine and real and right when its a love that is described as wanting the best for you and being part of your life on some level while its happening.

It's my feelings.  Maybe this doesn't read well.  Maybe its cloudy in the message, but for reals it was always about being your best bestie without replacing anyone already in your life and your relationship level with them. I didn't want to be a replacement for a friend you already have.  I didn't want to be your BF- I would of figured that out later.  I just wanted this new spot created for me in your life.  One that would let you know I would be there through anything.  Now we gots nothing.  It hasn't been the same for me this last week. Man on man. It got so big so fast.